Often, when a couple is considering hiring a doula, the baby’s dad thinks, “Well, if we have a doula, what will my role (as father) be?” In fact, when meeting with the couple, if the dad doesn’t ask this question himself, I do then to bring it up directly.

It’s a real fear dads have, it’s honest. Well, the answer is simple. The dad’s role is incredibly vital in the birth process, it is, after all, his baby that is being born, not mine, I will not be the one telling how much I love her! I have seen, in births and childbirth preparation classes, some fathers who feel very uncomfortable in the “labour support” or “coach” role. They are sometimes not prepared to see their wife/partner coping her way through the intensities of labour, and feel a bit helpless in knowing how to best support her.

A doula allows dad to support his wife/partner through his pure love, loving her like nobody else involved in her labour can. He is her lover, and it was the power of their love that conceived the baby, and it is that same power that helps birth the baby! During labour, there are times when the woman is most comforted by her guy’s smell, his heat, hands, breath, feel of his stubble, whatever. If dad is allowed to just do that, to love her and hold her and tell her he loves her, that is job enough.

That way, he does not have to be the labour “expert” - knowing which positions are most soothing for back labor, and how often it is necessary to change positions, and have all the hot packs and cold cloths ready, etc. Then his entire focus can be on loving and supporting her, wholly. So, when a couple hires me as their doula, I am supporting both of them: offering continuous emotional guidance and physical support for both the mum and dad. And 100% of my dads, while having had mixed emotions about hiring a doula before the birth, expressed their sincere thanks and happiness that I was around to support them, too.